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Humour for today ...........
And from last month ............
Thank God for
church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared
in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha
Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary
Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2.
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference:
"The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
3. The sermon
this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for
Jesus."
4. Our youth
basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. "Ladies,
don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not
worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
6. The
peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
7. Remember in
prayer the many who are sick of our community.
8. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.
9. Don't let
worry kill you off - let the Church help.
10. Miss
Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure
to the congregation.
11. For those
of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
12. Next
Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can
get.
13. Barbara
remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is
also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
14. During the
absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon
when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
15. The Rector
will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing "Break Forth into Joy."
16. Irving
Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
17. A bean
supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
18. At the
evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early
and listen to our choir practice.
19. Eight new
choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
20. Scouts are
saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will
be used to cripple children.
21. The
Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans,
bread and dessert will be served or a nominal feel.
22. Please
place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want
remembered.
23. Attend and
you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
24. The church
will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment,
and gracious hostility.
25. Potluck
supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
26. The ladies
of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.
27. This
evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
28. Ladies
Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
29. The pastor
would appreciated it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
29. Low Self
Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
30. The
eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
31. Weight
Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large
double door at the side entrance.
32. Mrs.
Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. 33. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
This one I've kept in especially for Alan ...
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